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Allow yourself the luxury of falling apart

Like a Phoenix, you will be resurrected.

Letting yourself fall apart is a luxury that many of us do not have. Yet this can be a very healing process where we allow ourselves to be reborn and rise like a phoenix from the ashes of our past. As a new person, with a vigorous energy and a clear vision of who we want to be and what our purpose is.

By falling apart in pieces and shards on the ground, there is the opportunity to manifest yourself in a different, new way.

Our reality demands an enormous amount from us. Women in particular have not had it any easier in the last 40 years. We have to raise children as if we were not working, and we have to work as if we did not have children. That in itself is an impossible position. Added to that is the patriarchal society we live in, with all the prejudices and demands that come with it.

It is not surprising that more and more people have phybromyalgia, CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) or burnout. This is our body signaling that something is seriously wrong, not with us, but with the environment we are in. A radical change in ourselves, our thinking, our actions, is sometimes necessary to prevent our bodies from giving out and demanding rest.

To do this, we must first let go of what we have clung to so hard: the values and norms of society, the demands of those around us, what was expected of us, everything to which we have conformed and against which we have measured our self-worth. The result is a dented self-image and a feeling of guilt, because meeting all these demands is an impossible task.

By letting yourself fall apart like a glass or stone sculpture, by letting yourself fall apart in pieces and shards on the ground, there is the possibility of manifesting yourself in a different, new way. This can be a painful process. That's why it's important to have someone beside you in that moment. Someone to take over your trust for a moment. Your trust in the world, your trust in a happy ending, your trust in yourself, your trust in ... So that you can fully immerse yourself in your feelings: your grief, your anger, your powerlessness, your pain, ....

This is a moment where there can be no trust in the world, in yourself or a happy ending, for a moment. In this moment, allow those feelings to come up and sink to the ground of complete exhaustion, let everything out, let the tears flow, cry out your frustration. Don't concern yourself for a moment with what the other person thinks of you or about you, this is your moment, surrender.

Let yourself fall apart in a million pieces.


by Dawn Perez

All your life,

you’ve been told to hold it in.

Hold in your gut, woman,

Don’t let them think you’re fat.

Hold in your feelings, mother,

Don’t let them think you’re hysterical.

Hold in your worry, dear,

Don’t let them think you’re psychotic.

Hold in your grief, mama,

Don’t let them see the pain in your heart.

Hold in your rage, woman,

Don’t let them think you’re unrefined, wild, feral, magick.

When you hold it all inside you,

Do you feel empowered?

Or do you feel exhausted?

You don’t have to hold it in any longer, child,

I’m here.

You’re safe.

Give it up.

Let it out.

Release it.

Let it go.

Collapse, mother.

Cry your tears and let them

Permeate the earth with their healing power.

Your gut,

Your feelings,

Your worry,

Your grief,

Your rage.

It’s all love, mother.

It’s a part of you.

Embrace it, allow it.

Breathe it in.

Let it go.

From the upcoming anthology, Re-Membering with Goddess: Healing the Patriarchal Perpetuation of Trauma

Once you have let all the tears flow away, look at the pieces of yourself that lie on the ground like shards. Pick up each piece and look at it carefully. Do you still want that piece? Or does it not want it anymore? Take those pieces of yourself that you still want, pick yourself back up as you would like to have yourself and leave the pieces that no longer serve you, consciously choosing not to put them back.

Take back your trust in the world from the dear human being who kept it for you for a while. And like a reborn woman you go into your new life. Like a Phoenix you are resurrected from the ashes.



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