A nice theoretical piece of text that does not get a foothold in the reality of the narcissist.
The Best Interest of the Child is everything the child is entitled to under the Convention on the Rights of the Child. And the Rights of the Child are derived from the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR).
But where is its value now? Will it really help our children?
When we decide to divorce as parents, we are confronted with 'the Best Interest of the Child' during an attempt at mediation or a lawsuit about the residence arrangement of our children. Especially when we come out of a narcissistic relationship and our ex-partner is someone with a narcissistic personality disorder (nex), we quickly notice that the nex gives substance to this 'best interest' at will. That is to say: fills in according to what suits him best and serves his interests. The real best interest of the child is then hard to find.
The Best Interest of the Child turns out to be an empty phrase that is used in court cases and is given substance by the egoistic interests of the nex. Completely ignoring the true best interest of the child.
A judge will usually request a civic or social inquiry. The living conditions and views of both parents are taken into account. Don't expect too much from this. Most people who do such research do not see through the facade of the nex. The nex can put up such a pretty picture of themselves and the person doing the research doesn't have enough time and expertise… they don't stand a chance. The research is done by 1 person and this person writes a report after 2 conversations with you and 2 conversations with the nex. And that report often aims to “keep the middle ground.” By this I mean that when there are clearly 3 negative points about the nex, there will also be 3 negative points about you. There's plenty of mud about you in the nex's 'file', and rest assured that this 'file' is brought to the attention.
When you as a mother argue for the real best interest of the child, you are accused by the nex of being selfish and not having the best interest of the child in mind. It's you, who makes "stubborn" decisions that harm the child. It is you who cannot take care of the children, you are unstable, a thief and a witch (the 3 most common 😉).
You should try to ignore these accusations. You know yourself best, you know how much you value your children. You really do keep the real best interests of the children in mind. No matter how difficult it is at times.
Gather those people around you who are there for you. Even if there are only 2. Let them often say things in front of your children such as: 'oh, look what your mama made/bought for you, that's a sweet of her isn't it' or 'what a nice mother you have, did you say that she goes to the playground/cinema with you? you are really lucky to have such a mama'. With this, your children will also hear from others that you are a good mother regardless of what the nex says about you. And your children get to hear positive things about you which is greatly needed for the times when your children have to stay with the nex and endure a completely negative propaganda about you as a mother.
For me, my mother was the one who often said such things to my children when they were younger. And only when she started doing that consistently did I realize its value. You will not see immediate results. But in the long run this is very important.
How the best interest of the child is given substance by the selfish interests of a narcissistic parent and how the Rights of the Child are thereby violated in our contemporary world extends to the entire society where Human Rights are violated in the same way and the governments exhibit serious narcissistic traits. But that's for another post.
Our mission is to raise our children to be balanced, independent and responsible young adults. As responsible mothers who raise children in a respons-ible manner, we have a loving 'response' in the future to the questions that our children are sure to ask us.
Responses a narcissist will never have, as they are limited to egoistic emotional reaction.
Love,
Leaf