Accept your power, it is magic to this world
Let’s start small.
For those of us that have (young) children. Do you remember the awesomeness in their eyes when they look at you, like you are the best, smartest, most beautiful person in the world? For them, you are all of that. What challenges us is to create an environment where you can be that, where they feel safe and where you can learn them to handle life, at its best and at its worst.
Be kind to yourself and to them. Whenever a situation arises where your children are hurt, feel sad or can’t handle a situation in general, a gentle word, a long hug or a kiss on the sore spot does it’s magic. That’s your power. Be the safe and calm haven for your children, who’s brain is not yet developed enough to handle stressful situations. We as women can assess a situation in a second by focusing on it and through our empathy we feel what the best response is. That is your power, right there, and it is magic to this world.
Now we go big.
Let’s start with a question: What is the main reason why we feel powerless?
Answer: It is the feeling that we don’t have a choice, that life just happens to us and we don’t have a say in it. It is beyond our control.
When we feel powerless or disempowered, we have the tendency to blame others and to feel like the victim. It is our free will to choose that gets us out of the victim mentality. Yes, somebody can take away choices, but not the ability to choose. You can use your free will and choose to comply, or not.
At some times we have the tendency to believe that somebody else made us do something. The truth is, they didn’t. In a very drastic situation where people are forced to choose to comply or to die, it still is a choice.
How do we put ourselves in a position where we feel empowered?
First, look at the situation and be honest with yourself. Get into reality. Most of the times when we feel powerless we are in denial and we refuse to accept what needs to be accepted. When you are in a refusal position, you have your energy focused on being ‘against’ reality. All you do is push back and nothing can change. It is when you surrender to the truth of the situation that you can focus your energy on making adjustments. When you choose to make adjustments, you are back in control.
Second, focus on what you can do, instead of what you can’t. Don’t sit around waiting for someone to rescue you. You have the power to save yourself. When you doubt yourself and lack confidence, you look for others to help you. You put yourself in their hands, hoping they do what is in your best interest. And when it doesn’t work out the way you wanted, you blame them and feel a victim.
So change I can’t do it in I won’t do it. Choose your words so what come out of your mouth places you in a position of power over your life. Then what other people hear is an empowered woman and they are very likely to treat you that way. Your power works like magic.
You can do it, no one else will… Be your own savior.
You choose where you put your energy, what you focus on, what your actions are. No one can control that. Yes, they can try. They can try to put so much pressure on you that you give in and focus on what benefits them. So you really need to get clear what is best for you, what it is you desire, what matters to you, and then you commit. Commitment is the power to stay true to what’s meaningful and important to you no matter how hard somebody tries to pressure you. Commitment is essential.
So the bottom line is: It is a choice, and the power lies with you.
And no, I’m not saying it is easy. Most of us women were hurt at one point or another. And the abusers will most likely never take responsibility for what they did. So it doesn’t change a thing. Yes, you can feel the pain and you can morn the innocent version of yourself that you lost along the way. Do whatever you need to do to heal, but do not give away your power.
If you don’t know how to start your healing, Step 6 gives you some hints on how you can take yourself on a journey to heal.
A little exercise to help you in your everyday life:
A 1-2-3-meditation. If you’re not the meditative-kind-of-woman, don’t worry, it’s not as bad as it sounds. Try to do this exercise a few times a day. Stop what it is you are doing and check-in with yourself. 3 minutes is all it takes.
1. How is your posture? Are your shoulders straight? Is your back bent? How is your breathing? Is it shallow? Take some deep breaths, release the tension you hold in your muscles, stand / sit up straight, shoulders back, chin up. You can take the whole 1st minute of these 3 minutes to do this, or longer if necessary.
2. What are you thinking? What thoughts do you hold in your mind? Are they criticizing or judging you or others? Do your thoughts contribute to your well-being? Or are they making you feel unworthy and powerless? Adjust your thoughts. Focus on thoughts that support what’s in your best interest. The thoughts that you do not want, let them ‘fly by’, don’t cling to them, just let them dissolve. Use the 2nd minute of these 3 minutes to do this. And of course, take longer if needed.
3. How are you feeling? Do you feel rushed? Anxious? How is your heartbeat? Again, take some deep breaths. Place your focal point on your belly. Focus on releasing stress, as if you send the tension through your legs, to your feet and down in the earth. You can use the grounding exercise from Step 2 if you want. Then shift your focus to your breath. When you breathe, imagine you send your breath through your heart. As you keep sending your breath through your heart, you can feel your heart swelling and eventually overflowing. And it will start to feel like your heart is radiating. Use the 3rd minute to do this and you are ready to go.
Remember: Power is focused energy that enables you to create whatever you choose. So choose wisely.