STEP 7
STAND
YOUR GROUND
Stand your ground, it is sacred!
What I mean with ‘your ground’ is that what is your truth. That what you are absolutely and completely sure about within your life and as a part of your story. Your truth is sacred for that reason. Because it is an intrinsic part of you and you have no live of your own without it.
Your truth is yours, and has a right to exist. Let no one tell you different. It may be inconvenient for some, but that does not mean you have to stay quiet.
Always remember: You have the right to be difficult.
Let that sink in… Read that again...
It doesn’t mean you have to be difficult about everything. Yes, you have the right, but it will be exhausting. But when it comes down to your truth and your version of reality, then you really have to exercise that right.
We were brought up to be nice girls, not to contradict our parents truth, not to speak up. So most of us never learned what our own truth is. Step 2 can help you make the journey for what is your truth.
In order to make yourself heard, the first step is to search for the language to do so. This is two-folded:
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Through language we shape our story, thus our life. That what we tell others about ourselves and our lives, becomes reality because more people will support that vision that we created by speaking about it.
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Through language we call out injustice. It can happen that we find ourselves in a situation where we can feel that something is off, not quite right, but we can’t put our finger on it. We are not able to express that what we feel is wrong because we are missing the mental image of what is happening and we are missing the words to explain it.
Question: When are we challenged the most concerning our truth?
It is when someone tries to make you think that you’re wrong, when you’re right. It is when someone pressures you, or others, to endorse their version of something that happened, and ignores you and your version of the facts. It is called gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and is used by some individuals to manipulate others. It is not always intentional. Someone can be very unaware about themself and never realize they are gaslighting and manipulating. It occurs in all kind of settings: at work between colleagues, within a family, in friendships and romantic relationships. Gaslighting is a common technique of abusers, narcissists, dictators, and cult leaders. Many empathetic and high-sensitive women have a romantic relationship with a narcissist at some point in their lives and are therefore victims of narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse comes in cycles and it can take some time to recover from narcissistic abuse after the relationship ends.
The most important thing is that you learn to realize when you are being gaslighted or manipulated, and take action. The more you are aware of the techniques they use, the quicker you can identify them.
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They lie, even about lying. You can never be sure about what they are saying.
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They deny saying something, making you question your own memory. Even if you have proof, they still deny, or say they meant ‘something else’.
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They use what you love. They attack your identity, saying you would be a better person if you didn’t have all these flaws. They even get to you through your children. You should never have had them, they are difficult. Or they are better off with someone else. When your ex-partner and father / mother of your children tries to gaslight you, the children are better off with them. And they will do anything to get that done. That your children need you as a parent is of no concern to them.
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They exhaust you. They use a lie here, a hurtful comment there, and in time they wear you down.
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They are not congruent. They say something and do something else. Look at what they do, not what say and you will see that their actions don’t match their words.
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They switch from telling you that you have no value, to telling you that you are the best. And you doubt yourself, they aren’t as bas as you thought. It is a calculated attempt to confuse you. When you look at what you’re being praised about, it probably is something they benefit from.
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They confuse you so you look at them to feel more stable. A sense of stability and normalcy is something that normal persons like having, and they know that.
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They accuse you of all the things they are doing themselves. It doesn’t matter if it they are a drug user, a cheater, or something else, they will always point the finger at you. They project what they are doing on you. You try to defend yourself and thus the attention is on you and not on their behavior. When it involves other people, everybody will be looking at you and your desperate attempts to explain that these accusations are incorrect... and nobody looks at them.
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They use the tactic of having other people stand with them and against you. It doesn’t mean these other people really are against you, but they will make you believe they do. As a result you no longer know who to trust or turn to, and you start isolating yourself from others in your community. And that is exactly what they want. When you’re isolate they have more control.
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They use their master technique: telling others you are crazy. When other people are told that your sanity is out of order, you will not be believed when you say the gaslighter is abusive and a liar.
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They tell you that all other people are liars, even your family and best friends. With this manipulation technique they make you question your reality and you will turn to them for the truth.
Honor your version of reality and make yourself heard. In a world of selfish people it may feel like a fight. A fight you have to engage in every day of your life, over and over again. Especially when you first start to 'stand your ground'. On some days it will feel easy to do, and on some days it will feel like you don’t have the energy. That’s okay, we’re human, not perfect. The more you get into the spirit and feel the strength within you when you honor your truth, the easier it will get.
Own it!
